Originally posted on Tribe.net on 04/26/09:
Having just come out of another depressive episode - duration of 3+ months - I am now standing in the eye of the storm.
Within the eye, I see everything with great clarity, the air is fresh, colors vibrant, love abundant. The mind races from one thought to another as a bee from one beautiful flower to the next, for I know that at any minute it could all be gone.
In truth, if history is any predictor, it will end and the cycle for me will begin again. The storm will pass through and I will curl up into the protective cocoon of the darkness to steel myself against the mental onslaught.
Then I wait. I wait for the eye of clarity to pass over again.
An example of my thoughts during the storm time, "I am to the point now where I feel that no matter what I do, I will eventually go back to depression. This has created a sense of hopelessness and lack of motivation that I have not experienced previously. I feel that if I have to continue suffering these cycles for the rest of my life I don't think it is worth the effort to continue on. I would rather choose the peace of permanent sleep."
The storm is powerful. I hope the eye ( read, "I,") is more powerful.
Having just come out of another depressive episode - duration of 3+ months - I am now standing in the eye of the storm.
Within the eye, I see everything with great clarity, the air is fresh, colors vibrant, love abundant. The mind races from one thought to another as a bee from one beautiful flower to the next, for I know that at any minute it could all be gone.
In truth, if history is any predictor, it will end and the cycle for me will begin again. The storm will pass through and I will curl up into the protective cocoon of the darkness to steel myself against the mental onslaught.
Then I wait. I wait for the eye of clarity to pass over again.
An example of my thoughts during the storm time, "I am to the point now where I feel that no matter what I do, I will eventually go back to depression. This has created a sense of hopelessness and lack of motivation that I have not experienced previously. I feel that if I have to continue suffering these cycles for the rest of my life I don't think it is worth the effort to continue on. I would rather choose the peace of permanent sleep."
The storm is powerful. I hope the eye ( read, "I,") is more powerful.
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